I’ve been thinking about and trying (and mostly failing) to work on a specific hard limit of mine for a while now and when Rori Sweet tweeted asking about surprising hard limits, I figured I should write about mine; maybe it will clear my own thinking about it up.
Picture the scene; I’m lying on a bed after some kinky playtime, legs hanging off the end, the man I think I’m going to marry between them. He’s eager to taste me, he prides himself on his oral skills and how much he loves pleasuring women with his tongue. As I feel his mouth close in on me, I freeze. My body stiff, my breathing shallow, my heart pouding. I don’t speak, I can’t, I have entirely shut down.
It’s a true story. He noticed and stopped and we never tried again.
Do you have a hard limit that would surprise most people?— Rori Sweet (@SweetRori) July 20, 2021
A lot of people have hard limits like blood or golden showers, but sometimes people have hard limits that surprise you. That’s why communication is so important. And remember that Doms have hard limits too!
Not liking oral is probably not that weird though, despite what porn, erotical and raunchy romance novels might have us believe. The especially weird part, to me at least, is that people of other genders going down on me is a completely different story!
It’s not been something that’s bothered me all that much until relatively recently. For one, Daddy loves giving oral and I want to be able to give him that, even just in sext form, without totally freezing up.
The other reason is simply that I’m reading and listening to more erotica and finding some that I like which doesn’t include a man going down on a woman is next to impossible, and even if I fastforward the audio or skip some pages, it’s too late, my horn has been replaced with panic.
I have been trying to get past it by testing my limits in fantasy (turns out fantasy me has exactly the same problem) and even by trying to keep masturbating when the audio porn I’m listening to inevitably goes that direction. So far I would say I’ve made precisely zero progress.
Which leads me to the final thing I want to share; while this is a hard limit which I want to work on, I wonder if that drive is coming from my “no limits sub” days and the feeling that if I can’t provide such a basic, vanilla thing then I must be a useless sub who’s no fun to play with.
Writing this out I realise that my desire to shift that limit is possibly entirely down to the fact it pokes at my own insecurities. So maybe what I should be working on is just being ok with that being a hard limit and continuing to dismantle the shitty things I’ve internalised about my own submission.