I’ve always been “a little bit little.” When I first got into kink and BDSM I didn’t realise it, mostly because I just didn’t have the experience or kink knowledge. I always leaned towards the DDlg dynamic even before I knew what DDlg was and when I did discover it, I was sold. Since then I’ve been both avoiding and trying to understand my littleness; I love cuddly toys (stuffies), I go wild for stickers, I adore Disney, I’m such a basic bitch! But those are things that are just me, I love those things publicly in my vanilla life too, but there are aspects of my littleness that I feel shame over.
When I wrote my post about bladder control I was not only nervous to post it publicly, but also to share it with Daddy, because one line in it had an age play implication. And that seems to be the sticking point for me; age play.
I don’t consider myself an age player; I’ve never regressed to any specific age, my little space is more about playfulness and feeling vulnerable, innocent and small. I realise “small” doesn’t explain it all that well but in a hierarchical way, along with feeling physically small. That said, I’ve always had fantasies which involve me being treated, and acting, like a little girl.
Fantasies like Daddy, and/or his friends, touching me while saying things like “spread your legs, let me see your princess parts” or, before fucking me hard and fast, “be a big girl for me, you squeeze your teddy as tight as you need to because I’m not going to stop.”
Last year after a day long, long distance scene I found myself sucking my thumb. The scene was far more use and abuse than DDlg and after it was the first time I have ever fallen accidentally into little space. It was also the first time I’d sucked my thumb as an adult. I think, looking back, that the scene had made me feel especially vulnerable and I fell back into DDlg as aftercare but it made me realise how deep my little drive goes.
Since then I’ve tentatively explored my littleness. Very tentatively. It’s difficult to explore with that shame hanging around, which is also compounded by my mental illness, but it’s definitely a part of me and a style of play I’d like to get into more.
I like the idea of Daddy swirling a dummy around my cunt before putting it in my mouth. I’d love Daddy to have some friends over and tell me to show them how I can be a big girl. I want to see how I’d respond to pseudo baby-talk. I want to be given a talking to before Daddy puts me over his knee to spank my bottom.
Actually writing this post finally pushed me to mention it to Daddy who was, as always, non-judgmental and supportive, and then I masturbated to orgasm using a teddy. And it was hot.